The Things You’ve Wondered About Therapy, But Were Afraid to Ask

by Megan Cole, MSW, LCSW

Have you ever wondered what goes on in a therapist’s mind while you share your deepest thoughts and feelings?
Do you worry we might judge you?
Do you wonder if we ever think about you after you stop coming to sessions?

I can’t speak for every therapist. But I’m happy to give you a peek inside my head. Here are some common questions I hear — and my honest answers.

 

Will my therapist judge me?

No. Truly, no.

You may have seen the popular online videos where people say, “We listen, and we don’t judge,” as they go around and share their most embarrassing stories with each other.

That really is the heart of therapy. We listen. We do not judge.

My job is not to decide if what you think or feel is right or wrong. My job is to understand what’s going on and help you work through it.

I never want you to feel like you have to filter yourself. Therapy works best when you can show up as your real, honest self.

And honestly? Most therapists are harder on themselves than they are on their clients. We care deeply. We want to help. And sometimes we worry we aren’t doing enough when change feels slow.

 

Do I have to share everything right away?

No.

In fact, I encourage clients to go at their own pace. If we start talking about something and you feel uncomfortable, you can say so. We can slow down. We can shift.

The last thing I want is for you to leave a session feeling like you shared too much before you were ready.

Some people feel ready to open up quickly. Others take more time. Both are okay!

If it takes weeks or even months before you feel fully comfortable, that’s just fine. We build trust over time. I’m ready when you are.

 

What if I don’t know what to talk about?

That’s okay.

This is therapy, not a speech. You don’t have to prepare ahead of time. You don’t need perfect words.

Some days the words will spill out; other days, you may not know where to start. Sometimes you might even say, “It was a pretty good week.”

All of that is normal.

If you feel stuck, I may ask gentle questions like:

• “What’s been on your mind the most lately?”
• “What’s felt different this week?”
• “What would make today’s session helpful for you?”

And remember — this is your time. If I ask about something you’re not ready to talk about, you can say that. We can always come back to it later.

 
What if I cry?

You probably will cry at some point. And that’s okay.

Many people cry in their very first session. After carrying so much for so long, being in a quiet and safe space can bring up big feelings.

Nothing bad will happen if you cry.

I won’t tell you to stop. I won’t rush you. I won’t try to distract you.

I’ll sit with you. I’ll give you space. And when you’re ready, we’ll talk about what came up.

Sometimes I may even tear up with you. Therapists are human, too. When you’re hurting, we feel that with you.

 

What if my problems aren’t “bad enough”?

If something is affecting your sleep, your mood, your relationships, your work, or your peace of mind, it matters, and you deserve to feel better.

You do not have to be in a crisis to come to therapy.

If you’ve ever thought, “Maybe I should talk to someone,” that’s reason enough.

 

What if I don’t like my therapist?

The connection between you and your therapist matters a lot.

If you don’t feel safe or understood, therapy won’t feel helpful.

I sometimes tell clients to think of the first session like a first “date,” or an interview, where you are the hiring manager.  Sometimes it feels like a good fit. Sometimes it doesn’t.

If it doesn’t, that’s okay! You are allowed (and encouraged!) to keep looking.

The right therapist will want you to find support that feels good and safe- even if that isn’t with them.

If you’ve been wondering about starting therapy but felt unsure about reaching out, I hope this helped ease some of those worries. Therapy doesn’t have to feel scary or overwhelming. It can be a quiet, steady place to sort through what’s heavy and help you find your footing again. If you’d like to learn more or see if we might be a good fit, I’d be honored to connect with you. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

You can reach us at the Ancora Compassionate Counseling Center by calling (336) 427-9022 or emailing me at mcole@ancoracc.org. Kristi Rakes, LCSW, and I are both accepting new clients, are in network with Medicare, managed Medicare, and most major commercial insurance plans, and are available to see clients in person or virtually.