The Things You’ve Wondered About Therapy, But Were Afraid to Ask

by Megan Cole, MSW, LCSW

Have you ever wondered what goes on in a therapist’s mind while you share your deepest thoughts and feelings?
Do you worry we might judge you?
Do you wonder if we ever think about you after you stop coming to sessions?

I can’t speak for every therapist. But I’m happy to give you a peek inside my head. Here are some common questions I hear — and my honest answers.

 

Will my therapist judge me?

No. Truly, no.

You may have seen the popular online videos where people say, “We listen, and we don’t judge,” as they go around and share their most embarrassing stories with each other.

That really is the heart of therapy. We listen. We do not judge.

My job is not to decide if what you think or feel is right or wrong. My job is to understand what’s going on and help you work through it.

I never want you to feel like you have to filter yourself. Therapy works best when you can show up as your real, honest self.

And honestly? Most therapists are harder on themselves than they are on their clients. We care deeply. We want to help. And sometimes we worry we aren’t doing enough when change feels slow.

 

Do I have to share everything right away?

No.

In fact, I encourage clients to go at their own pace. If we start talking about something and you feel uncomfortable, you can say so. We can slow down. We can shift.

The last thing I want is for you to leave a session feeling like you shared too much before you were ready.

Some people feel ready to open up quickly. Others take more time. Both are okay!

If it takes weeks or even months before you feel fully comfortable, that’s just fine. We build trust over time. I’m ready when you are.

 

What if I don’t know what to talk about?

That’s okay.

This is therapy, not a speech. You don’t have to prepare ahead of time. You don’t need perfect words.

Some days the words will spill out; other days, you may not know where to start. Sometimes you might even say, “It was a pretty good week.”

All of that is normal.

If you feel stuck, I may ask gentle questions like:

• “What’s been on your mind the most lately?”
• “What’s felt different this week?”
• “What would make today’s session helpful for you?”

And remember — this is your time. If I ask about something you’re not ready to talk about, you can say that. We can always come back to it later.

 
What if I cry?

You probably will cry at some point. And that’s okay.

Many people cry in their very first session. After carrying so much for so long, being in a quiet and safe space can bring up big feelings.

Nothing bad will happen if you cry.

I won’t tell you to stop. I won’t rush you. I won’t try to distract you.

I’ll sit with you. I’ll give you space. And when you’re ready, we’ll talk about what came up.

Sometimes I may even tear up with you. Therapists are human, too. When you’re hurting, we feel that with you.

 

What if my problems aren’t “bad enough”?

If something is affecting your sleep, your mood, your relationships, your work, or your peace of mind, it matters, and you deserve to feel better.

You do not have to be in a crisis to come to therapy.

If you’ve ever thought, “Maybe I should talk to someone,” that’s reason enough.

 

What if I don’t like my therapist?

The connection between you and your therapist matters a lot.

If you don’t feel safe or understood, therapy won’t feel helpful.

I sometimes tell clients to think of the first session like a first “date,” or an interview, where you are the hiring manager.  Sometimes it feels like a good fit. Sometimes it doesn’t.

If it doesn’t, that’s okay! You are allowed (and encouraged!) to keep looking.

The right therapist will want you to find support that feels good and safe- even if that isn’t with them.

If you’ve been wondering about starting therapy but felt unsure about reaching out, I hope this helped ease some of those worries. Therapy doesn’t have to feel scary or overwhelming. It can be a quiet, steady place to sort through what’s heavy and help you find your footing again. If you’d like to learn more or see if we might be a good fit, I’d be honored to connect with you. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

You can reach us at the Ancora Compassionate Counseling Center by calling (336) 427-9022 or emailing me at mcole@ancoracc.org. Kristi Rakes, LCSW, and I are both accepting new clients, are in network with Medicare, managed Medicare, and most major commercial insurance plans, and are available to see clients in person or virtually. 

 

Reflections on a Snow Day (or 10…)

 by Megan Cole, MSW, LCSW

In the South, we aren’t used to getting the snow and ice that has battered our region the past two weeks. We simply don’t have the infrastructure to clear roads, parking lots, and driveways quickly and efficiently like they do in snowier parts of the country. Around here, when we get big winter storms (well, let’s be honest, even little ones), everything grinds nearly to a halt for at least a day or two.

Like most parents in the area, I have spent the better part of the past 10 days trying to keep my 6-year-old occupied. We’ve played all the board games, watched all the kids’ movies, eaten all our snow snacks, consumed gallons of hot chocolate, and read books until we’re cross-eyed. There have been moments when I was ready to go plow the backroads myself so that schools could reopen and we could get back to our regular schedules!

But, in the midst of trying to balance working from home with my husband (which I am so fortunate to be able to do on snow days), keep our daughter occupied, and make sure the dogs are getting enough exercise, there have been a few lessons I’ve learned that I hope to carry forward into the years ahead, and teach to my daughter as she grows and is able to understand.

Take time to notice the little things. During this most recent storm, I made sure we stocked up on birdseed and filled our feeders. I loved watching the chickadees, cardinals, and tufted titmice visit the feeder while the snow swirled around them. I’ve marveled at their tiny little footprints in the snow where they’ve hopped around. The porchlight shining on the snow as it fell at night looked like silver glitter. It was indescribably beautiful. And the blessed, perfect silence of the snow as it falls: no traffic sounds, no dogs barking, no airplanes—just the quiet. Taking time to really observe the beauty around us, and engaging all 5 senses in the experience, grounds us in a mental space that is calm and centered.

 

Give yourself permission to slow down. In the wintertime, most animals slow down, and some go into hibernation until the weather warms. With shorter days and colder weather, the world seems to be urging us to do the same, especially when snow closes work and school. Let yourself rest a little more. Linger under the covers a bit longer in the morning, or snuggle up in bed with a good book a little earlier at night. Put the phone away, and read a book or work a puzzle. Prioritize the invitations you accept so that your focus and energy are being spent on the people, places, and things that mean the most.

Spend some time with your inner child. One of the things I find most rewarding about parenting is getting to see the wonder and joy in my daughter’s face when she experiences something new, even something simple. Watching her build a snowman, slide down her snow-covered slide on her backyard playground, and make snow angels has brought back so many happy memories of my own childhood. On snow days, spend some time recalling your own beloved snow day memories. Consider writing some of them down in your journal.

 

Reach out for connection. In my house, snow days are often quite chaotic, but for others, especially those who live alone, are elderly or disabled, these days may be profoundly lonely. Check in on your family members, friends, and neighbors. Even a quick phone call or text message has the power to lift their spirits (and yours). If you live alone and are starting to feel the effects of one too many days at home, don’t be embarrassed to be the one to reach out first. Humans are wired for connection to others. Admitting that you are lonely is never a sign of weakness.

 

During the Winter, the trees, plants, and animals around us all rest and prepare for the warmth and burst of growth that occurs with the return of Spring. For humans, the Wintertime can likewise be a period of introspection, of rest, and inner growth and development. Being attuned to the simple beauties of the natural world, taking time to slow down and care for ourselves, taking a trip down memory lane, and connecting to the people and activities that mean the most can help boost our spirits—and our energy.  

If you are having trouble finding moments of peace and connection during this Winter season, reach out to the Ancora Compassionate Care Counseling Center. We offer sessions in person or via our HIPAA-compliant Zoom platform, to help you set and achieve your mental health and wellness goals. We accept Medicare, managed Medicare, and most commercial insurance plans, and offer a sliding scale for individuals who are uninsured or underinsured. We’re here when you’re ready. To refer yourself or a loved one, call (336) 427-9022, and ask to speak with someone in Counseling Center intake.